Bikes Writing and Life Taxi777

Steel Is Real: Epic NorCal Ride, Starring Bossman

As I slid helplessly into the gully, fully knowing that the end was near. Everything I had accomplished in my life, every wonderful moment, every significant underachievement…the last vision I would see before spiraling down into my last vision at the bottom of this Hell hole would be this!........ My good mates looking the other way and whistling innocently!

………………………………………………………………………………………

Bossman! You’re in big trouble…Look what you’ve created…Wild & Untamed, start building that trophy room now!

I’m writing a book about someone like this one…
………………………………………………………………………………………

Wow! I got so lost…Didn’t think I’d make it, then suddenly I giant SUV showed up and slowed down in the middle of 3 lanes right in front of me like a Daddy Duck!

Saved! By the Bossman, but I immediately got lost again. Eventually as you know I showed up somehow. What a nice greeting though! Jeeshhhh! My family gets bigger and better than ever…Everyone is so awesome in this gang…We are the Beatles Bike Club and I am really enjoying life right now, it sure makes the tough bits easier to swallow…

Thanks Bossman for putting this one together. This should be an annual event. I enjoyed a good excuse to take my “Fluffy” out for a joyride and she enjoyed it fully, especially when I dropped her a couple of times, then she pushed me of the cliff…Oh boy, ha ha ha.

More new friends joining and ones I hadn’t met yet…Alex (Stripes),RoboCheme, Ritch, Frank and Marks lovely bride Sarah who doesn’t take any S***…Favorite line of the day “ JUST GET ON WITH IT!”…Wow! Could the weather be better?! Great to see Mr. Lance Oldstrong again, Chris, Deb…Kudos to Chris pulling the puppies all day…You’re a true “worker bee” No wonder Deb talks so nice of you...

The route was really enjoyable…I had a great time with my usual suspects, Henry, Ron, My “Fierce Alamedians” (BTW Crank 2 is Awsome!)Steel (Gary) Jon, Ben…hmmm thinking, thinking….If I missed anyone…smack me next time! Too many to remember.



Holy Mackeral! The Bikes totally rocked! Total Bike Porn out there today!

Great Pizza! Lot’s of good fun and eats. I hope to see as many of you as possible for the Hamilton ride…You’re all the best!
Here’s more picts, too much to write here…

San Bruno Mountain: GPS Maiden Voyage

Taxi777: Petes Blog

This blog is dedicated to the adventures and personal stories I,ve experienced through my life and the involvement in cycling culture. I'm also an expierienced muscian/newbie writer wannabe, so please bear with me whenever I degress to these sideshow meanderings. - Pete

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

San Bruno Mountain: Single speed venture

This is one of my regular loops but this time done on a “Single Speed Specialized Langster”. It is somewhat difficult, but a rewarding challenge.

I started early due to a forecast of high temperatures.

The ride begins in Nob Hill San Francisco. (300ft) It is quite close to downtown, so a great after work loop for anyone working in the financial area. It is definitely doable on a fold up bike too.

I travel North on Polk Street and left on Francisco through the marina. The first climb comes up as you go through the Presidio. (250ft) You then proceed south along scenic ocean beach till you arrive in Daley City. Turn Left on 83rd all the way to Guadalupe Canyon to begin the climb.

The first section is relatively straight with a easy climb (550ft). Section two is a little shorter but much more steep (1200+ft). You are then rewarded with an open view to all the other mountains in the bay area. You could more often than not expect fog in the summer.

Buckle up and enjoy the descent. It is fast! Can be dangerous in the wind though, which come often and strong

Pete the “Pied Piper” Report on “Roaring Mice”

I arrived at the GGbridge promptly at 9am. I bailed from the Sir Ron of San Jose ride on the peninsula due to time restrictions. Had a big “go to” at the Palace of Corlew in Antioch tonight. It was to be an Epic eve with His and Her Highness. Jugglers, jesters and of course…Thou, thy royal clown and piper. I thank you ; )

I immediately noticed four grand mice roaming, scavenging and chatting of cheese. Princess Marissa, Sir Mike, Jester Kevin and Knight Ben. These were no ordinary mice of commoner heritage.I asked of which direction they may be heading, in tandem they answered “Sir we do not know?” Little did they know I had been commissioned by the “Earl of Frisco” to expedite a dirty deed! I informed them (I fabricated a lie) that I was a “Grand Wizard” and would lead them to a fortuitous treasure of cheese and honey. They responded “Why sir we would be much honored to be led to this treasure of which you speak!” I cheered three cheers “Hip hip booya” and had them follow me across the grand mote to Marinwood Forest. I informed them in case they may stray, to follow the music of my Piccolo and they would find themselves safe again.

In route we came across a downed Messenger of who Princess Marissa had been familiar. Apparently he had been downed by a Unicorn obviously under a witches spell, but he would survive the grievous incident. The messengers are of strong stock and we new all would be well.

As we ascended Corte Madera at a mad pace! (Roaring Mice are known for their dazzling speed on ascents with all the practice they have evading ferocious felines). The princess was kind as not to leave me behind in the gnarled forest of Madera. (She was a very pretty and seductive mouse may I add, so the legend goes). Our caravan proceeded on through the hill and dale. We arrived at the base of the great Tam and took temporary shelter in the local Fairfax sheriff's office. We met with natures call and loaded up on hearty ale. We mounted our steeds and began our climb as I led the mice further and further from the city. I would make my escape soon when I led them far enough astray.

I found the mice to be extraordinarily friendly and full of jovial conversation and glee. There was a new young mouse who was quite fresh in the ways of the “Roaring”. The mice would concurrently venture back to assist and make sure of the youngsters safe travel. I found it quite touching at the attentions to team play and camaraderie which seemed to be a staple of the existence.

Slowly my mind began to change about these mice. It was not just about the competition to gain cheese… It was much more. An actual caring for each other's well being. I was beginning to really enjoy this adventure. Their rapid fire humor and banter I found to be quite entertaining.Moving along at a triumphant pace we ran into two somewhat disoriented and lost Minstrels who were in training for a planned junket. They were Husband and Wife of eleven years. Sir Scott and Lady Kitt. They were traveling on high quality specialized steeds and handled them well. They both were fully capable of the journey and had no problem keeping up the brilliant pace the mice had set. Both of them were of a pleasant sort. They thought that the landscape caused them to be speechless and completely mesmerized with the fabulous and vast vista's. We talked of their adventures and I guided the twosome safely through the Mountain terrain. The weather was fair but foggy. I led them to fresh beverages at Pan Toll Pass and bid them farewell, I hoped to see them again. I did worry somewhat of the steel dragons that would pass from time to time. I knew that Sir Scott would righteously defend his lady till these vile dragons were vanquished.

Our flight down the face of Tam was spellbinding. The riding was magnificent. I for one had two dragons pull to the side to let me by. A very rare occasion indeed! I had my last chance to make my Hejira…

I could not leave these creatures for which my heart had grown so fond. I saw the best of the mice, but in my heart I knew already. I think they thought the same of me. Maybe I had been the one who was to be tricked into abandon. These mice were much more and then some, from what I had been led to believe.

We rallied up from the great corkscrew of Sausalito. Before we crossed the great mote. I happened upon a Gadiator and cheetah hailing from the NorCal empire. They were Alamedians Knight Dave and Queen Lisa of the Butterfat family. I stopped to chatter and in the back of my mind let the wiley mice escape. I think we all knew we were meant to ride together this day. A day I'll always remember.

The day Pete the pied piper fell into a pickle and chose to play his piccolo another day…

Rapha Ride: Palo Alto Cycles

In response to Henry’s inquiring question regarding the RAPHA presentation and ride.

1. Absolutely no schwag as far as I know. I didn’t go back for the after movie and food. (Which was free)

2. The set up and organization was top notch. I knew nothing about Rapha or Palo Alto bikes. I thought Rapha was some political organization when I got the invite! Unfortunately I was “out of it when I arrived to the event, on top of not knowing what I was getting myself into. At one time, long ago I had a bad experience in New Orleans with a free invite (no strings attached) event, which turned out to be a “Time Share” hard sell that we literally escaped from through a back door after excusing ourselves for a bathroom break. I though I was going to end up in some “White Slavery” Camp on some F’d up Polynesian island of the lost!

3. Palo Alto Bicycle is a great bike shop and organization. The store is beautiful. (It opens the whole length of the store to University Ave and is really inviting open and glitzy. A total Bike Porn Shop! The Bikes are off the charts! Hot! Those Pink hubs and headset washers just POP! Can I say I was turned on by the Rapha Bikes? Extremely sexy! The clothing is phenomenal, with the Rapha threads outstanding. It makes you really want to wear black/pink : ). I don’t know if Pink is the new Black or Black is the new Pink? They have Handcapie and other great lines there too.

4. Everyone of the employees was over the top friendly and accommodating. All of them really seemed to be happy and proud of working there. The mechanics section looked like a drill team. Constantly cleaning and polishing everything as they go.

5. Ron informed me that he purchased his “Seven” there and really liked the store.

6. I want to go back there as soon as I can get some $$ together to buy some of their threads. I would absolutely buy one of their bikes in a second if I get the chance.

7. { I unfortunately was having a really bad day. No sleep, completely gaffed from Saturday and I realized Sunday night that I had double dosed on some extremely nuclear medicine! (My fault, I need to be more careful…could have killed myself)}.

The ride started out really fun. It had the genuine peloton feel with some many experienced cyclists going at a brisk pace. When we hit the hills I got really nauseous and my heart was beating out of my chest. Later on after I quit I had a couple of really bad dizzy spells and I fell sound asleep on the train. I slept 12 hours when I got home.

Oh well… I’m a Senior citizen now so I just have to live with the lack of consistency in my physical well being.Pete..

A RAPHA/Palo Alto Cycle fan

I haven't bailed out of a ride in a long time, but today I didn't have anyting goin on. Every part of me didnt't feel like riding today. Halfway up Page Mill Road I actually had to stop so I wouldn't get sick. Just one of those days. I met Marco, Ruth and Ron at the top and we all weren't in for a big ride today so we did our own ride and had a great time.

Palo Alto Bikes were pretty nice people and I'll do this ride over again next time.
I do like that snazzy Rapha Professional Bikewear too! Here's some picts.

 

Jin's Mt. Tam Ride

Saturday I had a chance to spend most of the day riding with a local legend. Chris Phipps is a world class cyclists and world class person. I did a NorCal group ride and for the first time he had some time to join up.

Basically it was a relaxed recovery day for him and an all out “Hammer Fest” for me!

Chris with Ned Overend after Mt. Tam Race:

 

 

I rode down to pick up the “Dos Amigo’s” at Caltrains where we became “Tres Hombre’s” and made our way “rapido” to “Velo Rouge Café”. I have to give a plug to that place. Thanks Jin for having us meet up there. I go by it 5 or 6 times a week down Arguello Blvd., but always have my head down and miss it. It’s a quaint bicycle themed and very comfortable café, where the service is A+ and the girls are super sweet! Food is the tops. I’ll be back. It’s a great place to meet up for club rides. Location-Arguello & McCallister.

 

We started out in the soaking wet Presidio and made our way across the bridge through wind and fog. In Sausalito the sun made it’s appearance and thing perked up from there. I think it was Joe ( I can’t remember names) that was having periodic issues with his rear wheel. We had a bit of wait up.

My favorite part of today was that I finally got a chance to ride with a legend…besides the rest of you guys (I think you’re legendary too!) I got to ride with Chris Phipps. Let’s just say He was taking it easy today, but I sure wasn’t. My 54-year-old butt was righteously kicked all over Marin today. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it though.

Chris talked up a storm filling me with all kinds of inspiration and food for thought…Snap! That’s why I love riding my bike. Great people, adventure, and the great outdoors…and Chicks!

Did I mention “Chicks!” I raced some up the back of Tam after Chris decided to kick my ass (then he got to the top and went down the other side and backup again!) I let one of the girls win…well sort of; she had a great time and was a good sport.

Henry took his cross bike on the adventure…nice piece of machinery, and the bike looks good too! :) He pulled a couple of over the curb and off road adventures to show it off. OK dude my next project, helping me transform the KHS into a Cross Bike! I can’t wait.

It was great talking to Jin (nice guy) and spending sometime with the rest of his “Posse”. (BTW dude really sorry for your loss, at least he left this world knowing he had a wonder ful friend.) We need to do another ride soon. Great company. I loved how you guys kept saying, when we lost Joe… That’s him! ...Nope…That’s him !!!! WTF ha ha ha!

I’m going to laugh about that for ever!

Coming across the bridge was utter madness! Holy Crap! Besides the usual blazing saddles “Cluster F***” the “FREETIBET” people decided to get together and ride their bikes across the Golden Gate. OMG in a hand basket! Some how we made it across and Henry and I beat it back but split up in the Marina. Unfortunately I guess Henry missed the train by a minute. I should have escorted him the short way. I owe you coffee dude…Sorry : (

Well now I hope to recover for tomorrow-another day with Chris riding my ass off! It’s been really cool these weekends where I seem to spend 2 days in a row riding with 1 individual from the forums. 2 days with Ron, 2 days last week with Henry and two days with Chris…Nice little “Vignettes” in life… I’m enjoying life these day’s, been almost a year since my “Trial By Fire” and I’m learning to enjoy life.

Later guys! Thanks Jin!

Pete aka Taxi

 

 

 

NorCal Meets Velo Girls: Kings & Queens

This was my 2nd Velo Girls ride although it was kind of like a NorCal meets Velo Girls ride. Henry (Blast Radius) and Alan (Sesame Crunch) showed up. I was not to have all the ladies attention this day! I was staying with my best behavior.
There were two rides going on. One for the Tiburon loop and the other we decided to X Alpine dam with the heat and climbing and go to Nicasio with an option for Pt. Reyes. We had great weather and the bridge was nice and dry 0 Blazing Saddlege, although that would change on the way back! Riding through Sausalito is like riding on eggs now between the over load of peds and touring bike traffic. I personally think that the amount of horrible unbridled touring bikes running lights and people down have caused the crack down by the police. There are a lot more tickets being written through there now. Lorri informed me that they’re giving tickets for riding two abreast (in a bike lane now)!

When we started up Corte Madera I got to hang out and talk with some of the new faces. That’s usually where I can figure out who are the feisty ones. Singe, Janet, Elizabeth, Erin and Sylvia would be nipping at my heels for the rest of the day, Of course the flying hornet “Henry” was a constant buzz in my ear! The ringers had made themselves apparent early on. I had planned to take it easy and have this as my recovery Sunday…Nope!

After the grade the flats began. I had gotten ahead of the group with Janet so all the flattitude was happening behind me. I had ridden with some of the group all the way to San Anselmo. We waited for awhile and Janet and I rode back to see what was going on. We met the group and rode back. Alan had given up hope with three flats and headed home. He was on his way to a crazy dance party later on…Yep ladies Alan can dance! Remember that. We stopped in Fairfax and made the decision to regroup in Nicasio. I actually like these play it by ear rides!

Climbing Whites hill, Singe, Henry and Erin pounced on the old man…I thought “Here we go again” So daddy decided to spank back! I was on Henry’s wheel and put Erin in the back seat! There was no catching Singe, he had too much of a jump. We had the same tune going up the next hill into the drop for Nicasio I was able to jump past everyone last second for at least one tiny victory…These kids! Believe me I paid later.

One of the cool things that happended though was I actually met Vin Diesel out riding his bike...He said he'd use me in his next movie!!!! can't wait!

I kind of wanted to go to Pt. Reyes, but compromised because some people were feeling a little bonky… needed to get back. I was whining about how I needed a sandwich…Some began to yawn so we decided to take the short loop through Samuel P. Taylor Park. I was yacking it up front with Erin, we were too busy reveling in our “Irishness” and every subject under the sun, to realize people were dropping of and heading back. Suddenly all the baby birds or what was left of the nest got hungry at once and started getting chirpy for something to eat. Low on water no food and cranky kids, It was time to get the ole Beach wagon moving!

Well, that didn’t last long…

Singe had a blow out, so we had to wait up, and we were running low on tubes. Pretty soon we would all be walking! The flats were getting pretty crazy. The ride through SP Taylor is always a nice cool ride, we stopped for water and everyone relaxed. Finally we got sandwichs in Woodacre and that made everyone happy and nappy! Especially me. In Fairfax Henry blew a tire! This was getting ridiculous…I sent everyone on and I got coffees for Henry and I while he fixed his flat at the bike shop. We finally went through the flat thing. Henry had to drag me back. I went into a serious bonk. By the time we got back to Sausalito then the bridge, it was absolute havoc with bikes, tourists and cars. Henry was trying to get home to let his poor dog Mike out for a walk…It was probably ready to explode by this time.

Well we made it back and I was whipped, hence I’m just doing the report now.

Thanks everyone…from Saturday to Sunday I had an Imperial time (new word). Felt like a king this weekend. Let’s ride soon. I’m used to these awesome weekends.
I’ll put more picts up later.
Pete

Salad Ride Report: Before it Happened

...Before it Happened…The Dream I’m having right now…

I showed up right on time. I decided to drag out the old Phonak kit, so I was looking sharp and intimidating. Henry was already at the bridge but he was on his new bike with all his kids (even the neighbors kids!) mounted on his bike. It was really cool!

 

He had little tables that folded down that you could put cereal bowels on with juice. They we’re preoccupied eating lucky charms and acted as if I wasn’t even there. I thought it was odd that Henry was drinking coffee out of a large beer stein?

He commented that He had been up all night drafting his plans for his new proposed San Bruno Velo-dome and that he was “on his 4th cup. “ I thought to myself “we’re gonna have a fast ride today!”Mateo was there (Pelikan) with his fishing gear. I was like “WTF Mateo” and he was all like, “ we’re going out fishing for oysters when we get to Tomales! Do you want to come?”

 

“Mateo! You can just walk out and pick them off the vines…why fishing gear?” I said with consternation. “ Too easy! Too easy!” he said with a dead serious tone. “That’s cool Bro, they give me hives.”

Everyone else was there and it was time to move. We hit the bridge and quickly hopped in a really fast paceline behind some really fast moving “Blazing Saddles” bikes. I was behind a particularly large woman from “Toga” in a moo moo the size of a Big Top tent and I could not for the life of me see past her!

I was beginning to think I had picked up the wrong prescription at Walgreen’s last night. I must check when I get back to… “Where?”

 

It was then, as we began drifting up Mt. Tamasuvious, amongst millions of butterflies… “Wait!” I’ve been here before! At that moment my friend Curtis flew down past me on a very strange bike, screaming “Little Ponies are descending! Run away!” I pulled of the road as Curtis and the butterflies sailed by at a high rate of speed! Suddenly I was inundated by “Pink Ponies” They were speaking but I could not understand?

Sure enough as I hid behind a large redwood covered in cowering elves, I saw this!

Thankfully I awoke! I need some coffee…THE END

A Cycling Vignette: Memorial

Vignette: Memorial:

“Sense transferred from the border to the picture itself, then (1853) to a type of small photographic portrait with blurred edges very popular mid-19c। Meaning "literary sketch" is first recorded 1880, probably from the photographic sense.”

 

March 15th- “ In like a Lion, Out like a Lamb” In between it all, the reward of transcendence.

Yesterday was one of those days I’ll never forget. I could start backwards from here, but I think I’ll just start from the middle. Where transcendence made an appearance.

 

     I had so many experiences on this Saturday. Some so sublime and others quite soul wrenching. As I sat at the foot of my bed Sunday morning at 10am and began to get ready for yet another ride on my bike. On my Ipod a song played called a “ A little voice“. I melted down. It all came back to me. Matt’s father or some relative, I do not know, at the Sports basement on a news blurb saying. “Matt loved his bike” . Then the pain of a loved one emanating from deep within their soul, at the front of a crowd of a thousand other souls piercing the air.

 

     The sound of their grief was too much for me and I had to move far away, on my bike down a hill by myself off and in to silence of the forest. At that moment In the stillness and quiet by the river I needed to be back with the one I’ve truly cared about for so long and loved. I felt un-believably home sick. The bonds of love between Father and Son mother and child, Husband Wife, between friends. One soul to another the driving force of our existence. Extinguished in a moment of inattentiveness, of selfish un-awareness and one horrible mistake.

     Earlier I came upon a cyclist named Ted. In a merging of groups and groups of cyclist funneling to the staging area of a grand tribute to the memory of our lost sister and brother in spirit. In front of us, a striking looking bunch of athletes in beautiful uniforms. They we’re from the Protech woman’s racing team. I talked to Ted about how overwhelmed I was becoming at these wonderful people coming together in mass and human camaraderie. Just then one of the team members chimed in that she remembered me from the time trial earlier. She had been the one to pin my number to my shirt! I had asked her, but didn’t mention that my hands we’re too cold and shaking from nerves to do it myself. I was just blown away, and all I could say was thank you. She moved up, and Ted said that’s my wife Dawn. We’ve been together for 28 years and we love riding together it’s been the center of our lives. He went on to explain her great feats in the world of cycling, and you could see he was so proud of her and was so jazzed about his life with her. 28 years…beautiful.

     When I emerged from the forest into the gathering I saw a lone sheriffs officer standing on a rise near his car. I’m not sure what prompted me, but I went over to him. “Are you alright man?” He responded with honor and dignity and I will keep it to myself. I think how he felt was truly personal.

     I looked over and saw the familiar NorCal outfits. How lucky I am with these new found friends. How much my life has changed for me over the years. How much the bike has changed and redirected my life through absolutely the worst times of my life, in the ultimate darkness of my soul and in the best times of my life. As Lance Armstrong said, “Its always about the bike”. It’s so cool to be a part of something. It’s so cool to sincerely care about others.

     Then there’s my friend, Curtis with his lovely wife and friend Tricia who informs me that he they think I look tired and insist on giving me a ride back to where ever I need to go. That’s Cutis always the protective Dad trying to take care of everyone. Ramon with that stoic character. Unassuming always there, the granite pacemaker, good man in a storm. Of course Ron the circle and center of all things involved in our little society.. Master of ceremonies. Comforting. My good friend Henry. Resilient. What accident? It’s like he didn’t miss a pedal stroke in all those months off. As I drop him off I see his beautiful kids bouncing up and down in the picture window. Daddy’s home! As they come charging like a bunch of midget linebackers running on to the field for the second half. Hurry up Daddy, hurry up, as I race to remove his bike before the little tykes explode with joy! He convinced me to ride Mercyx category for the next TT. “Go old school man”

     And I will….. Marco the almost cocky kid, but I realize that’s really the High IQ coupled with brute strength equals confidence. His dad was so proud of him at the TT. 9.7 in 27.44 and his tire was flat at the finish line. The guy who just beat up the grueling headwind like some supernatural bike superhero and brought us back to where we wanted be. Home. That was a great breakfast we had at Bucks after the TT. He told me he passed me while he was heading for his late start but not saying a word…didn’t want to ruin my Chi…Respect. And the rest of the BF’rs who weren’t there but were there with us in their hearts. Respect and transcendence.

     Matt and Kristy, you’ve transcended…Peace, love, and respect.
Pete

A View From A Blue Bike: "Let Go" My Father's Story

     As I look down my nose past my purple protruding bottom lip. Previously stained by the half Popsicle my dad bought off the creepy tattooed Ice cream man whose beady eyes would dart rapidly back and forth from my dad to me, and to the kids closing in on his truck like a bad scene directly from Children of The Corn. My stubby brown shoe kicks at the training wheel dangling off the badly scarred bolt from my pitiful looking little blue bike. No! No! Daddy! I yell. Oh come on now just one time like this and we’ll see how you do with it, he says. I remain steadfast in my well practiced silly pouting pose. He relents and retreats to the garage for the wrench.

      So many things I’m terrified of, at this fragile time in my life. I was such a nervous little kid. Overly aware of everybody and everything, at every moment. The darkness, thunder, being alone and that creepy ice cream man.

     Dad returns and quickly loosens the bolt and flips the training wheel up about 6 inches and steadies the bike by the handle bar, still with wrench in hand. Hop on Paaatna ( that’s partner in his thick New English accent). I scoot up on to the seat. I wiggle myself into position for take off.

Here I sit, under the beautiful blue sky, on this little blue planet in the springtime of my life. I am innocent. I am not yet jaded by the cruel ways of the world. I am born, and so to, I will die here. I will love to the fullest, yet I will learn ultimate hatred. I will experience the magnificence of transcendence, and I will fall with bitter anger to the furthest depths of my soul. Who knew that the view from this blue bike would open up my eyes and this would be the first time that I would see the world for all that it is. As I begin to roll forward on this slight downgrade, I cry. “Let go daddy, let go”! And then my father must let go

     … He let’s go…He lets go of his Mother and Father to sail off at a young seventeen to lands where young men hate and destroy each other to preserve what they have left behind, just as he had to let go of his only beautiful daughter before the altar to entrust with another man not of his blood. He let’s go from a hospital room in agony as she leaves this world and years of suffering before him never to return to him again.

      He let’s go of the broken wife who carried so much pain and anxiety through her life and suffered so much pain and fear in her last days, but sincerely and truly loved him more than life itself.

     His two sons that loved him so much but have abandon the home he built and moved a world away for their own selfish wanderlusts. One of those, his younger son some say his favorite, the brilliant one. Who will eventually through this worlds own great University of hard knocks will prove himself to be the brilliant one. The good son grounded and held back by the his un-selfish sense of responsiblilty and family that in turn one day he himself will have to let go. The son who has had to struggle with the pain of addiction and the inheritence of his mothers darkness and fear. He owes you everything, for in the darkness and storm swept oceans you have been his lighthouse

     I cannot look back to see a smile or a tear. Dad?… which was it? Or could it have been both? Do you really know how I love you? I am from the twinkle in your eye. I’ve cursed you for leading me into this hell forsaken life. I’ve praised you for the brute strength that comes out of nowhere when it’s down to fourth and goal. I love you and I’m truly inspired by you for your love and support even when I’ve disappointed you. I laugh until the tears flow, because of the wonderful sense of humor passed down to your kookiest son of which I’m very proud to be. The way that you respect and treat a woman has kept me going 31 years strong with the same wife who has really become my true best friend and the love of my life. Did you know my little secret Dad? Every so often as I sail alone down the streets on my bike in the radiance of the warm sun through the breathtaking vistas at speeds that would stop some men’s hearts. I am overwhelmed with the happiness freedom and joy I’m experiencing at the moment and I pause. I stop to take a picture of myself at the very moment when all comes together for me. The satori , the Chi, Trancendence. In that instance all is perfect. My Universe aligns itself and I am truly in paradise. I see that picture. I see you. You are with me at that very moment, and it is because you let go…

Do you know that you are truly responsible for the most beautiful moments in my life? All because you, let go… Thank you Dad. Your loving son, Pete

ALC 7 Paso Robles: Utopia, Epiphany and Self Forgiveness

On June 3rd, 2008 at 8:30 pm in a huge dining hall, as hundreds of new found friends (in this great but temporary Utopian society) cheered for me with all their hearts...The tears began to flow. The dam had been broken. I had finally found forgiveness. Self-forgiveness. I experienced an overwhelming epiphany! I was floating within a beautiful deeply spiritual group hug, by the hundreds of people who really truly cared........

I released the shame, the guilt and embraced the love. From all these beautiful souls that had given so much of themselves for such a fantastic cause.

It all began eight months before...
.......On October 3rd, 2007 on a beautiful warm sunny afternoon in a San Francisco General Hospital clinic, on an examining table, flat on my back. I was dehydrated with a dangerously rapid heart beat, full body rash and high fever. I had been on anti-biotics for PCP Pneumonia and major infection. I had just received a diagnosis of full blown AIDS with a CD4 count below 200.

Without immediate treatment I was very close to probably leaving the planet within a few days. What a predicament! I was frightened beyond belief. I hated myself. If I could have killed myself right then, I would not have hesitated for one moment. Completely lost with no one to turn to. My life had been a constant fight with the demons. The battle had been lost! I had no control. All there was to look forward to was a dark foreboding future, and finally the peace in the black velvet darkness of death.

Days before I remembered how sad I was when I sat with Cathy at the Pine Cone Diner in Pt. Reyes Station and looked in her eyes and out to the hills with the inner knowledge that this may be the last time I experience a moment like this. I could never forgive myself for letting this happen. No one to blame... The childhood abuse, the emotional problems I could never deal with. The alcohol gene that had claimed my mother, uncles, aunts and close friend. Phobias and much more. I was a mess of life. A complete fuck up! I had no one to blame but myself.

I was so jealous of those in my life who seemed normal, almost boring, happy with themselves. Some part of me hated them. I was envious. "There is no God" I would say to myself.

I was completely disarmed by the most wonderful doctors, nurses and counselors that worked with me in Ward 86. They did not judge me. They really cared for me and understood what I was going through. They had experience and anticipated how I would probably deal with this mess. They saved me from myself and got me pointed in the right direction. Finally someone understood what I was going through. They helped me deal with health, finance, and plenty of emotional support was to be had.

Cathy was safe. She had her 2nd rapid HIV test after 6 months and is fine. Thank the Universe. I had not contracted Hepatitis. Some how I had missed that bullet. Leaving the alcohol alone was somewhat difficult. I had had 20 years of sobriety before I slipped so I knew I would get through it. The panic attacks are being controlled by medicine along with the social phobia and bi-polar tenancies.

I've been given the opportunity to enter a adult study for Aids Meds, which has really saved me financially. That would have killed me. I now have insurance which I didn't have before.

Since October I have stuck faithfully to my daily drug regimen. It's been hard dealing with some of the side effects, but well worth it. My CD4 count (Tcell) has really gone up. My Viral load is un-detectable now. My doctor considers me an example of what you're supposed to do...finally I'm doing something right. I have a beautiful therapist that I can talk to about everything I'm afraid to talk to anyone else about. I don't know if she realizes that she has saved me from giving up. I have serious bouts of depression where I become so dark and the thoughts of self-annihilation are seriously considered.

I really threw myself into my bike. I used Lance Armstrong as my model. I was happy to live but knew the struggle ahead of me was great. Having the bike club with it's social benefits and athletic challenges kept me focused more than you could ever imagine. I was able to express myself and I felt myself growing in so many ways. Slowly I was healing.

ALC7 was my biggest challenge. I suck at soliciting funds, so I sold my car to make up the difference. I'm sad and inconvenienced, but it is a great way to stop throwing money at the huge oil companies.
Social Phobia... Now that was a problem. I had to find a tent mate. I had to figure out how to hide my HIV status yet embrace it. Immense self hatred and shame was a huge monkey on my back. Being surrounded by happy charged up people when I still could not forgive myself was going to be a living hell. A week away from the only person who loves me ( so I thought, I've found others who may love me too) would be intolerable. As far as riding 545 miles...I had just caught a cold, was sick and came down with bronchitis on the 1st day. I hadn't been really sick since being diagnosed, so I was really scared. Before the opening ceremonies I hid behind a row of bikes. I was afraid. I was ashamed. I cursed myself. As I rolled out of the Cow Palace I shivered with the cold. I could not smile...I could not make eye contact. I wanted to ride home. My arms and legs were so heavy. I barely made it to lunch where I called Cathy and told her I think I'm coming home. I then realized everything was on the truck, I couldn't leave. I pressed on. We passed familiar territory. I remembered Alan's Half Moon Bay ride. The fun I had had that day. Alan's snot rocket hitting me in the face and we laughed; Lisa's kidding and the raccoons. Narnia. I smiled. I looked up and the sun was out and some kite surfers with the beautiful colors against the blue sky. Coming back, I'm coming out of the darkness again.

Camp life was amazing! Both difficult and rewarding. A perfect Social microcosm where everyone truly cared for one another. Even my tent mate Robert turned out to be one of the most coolest and interesting characters I've ever met. The guy in the next tent who was snoring like a buffalo, and everyone was in stitches over it.

One night in Paso Robles a woman named Shirley stood up and spoke. She too had gone through what I experienced. All the same emotions. She had overcome and become so strong, so brave. I loved her for that. She talked of overcoming the fear, the guilt. She learned to give back which gave her healing. Then she finally did the one thing that had been so hard for me to except... She finally forgave herself and let it all go. Those who were positive were asked to stand up in this crowd, and for the first time in front of all these people I stood...I stood up and in front of everyone, and then I excepted my own forgiveness.

The whole speech in it's entirety>>

>>http://aidslifecycle.typepad.com/aidslifecycle7_shirley/2008/06/here-is-the-tex.html

On the last day at camp in Ventura as I walked my tent and luggage back to the truck for the last time. I was really sad and happy to be going home. I looked around. I really wanted to talk, and hug someone anyone...

.....Then right in front of me, out of all these people with a positive pedaler shirt, I spot Shirley walking right towards me. We hugged and I thanked her for saving me...

The last 5 miles I rode as hard as I could through Santa Monica. The tears welled up 540 miles and my pedaling was effortless. My heart pulsed like a machine! I was in control I could hear the cheering, I thought of Lance in his last time trial of his 7th tour. I thought of the hell I had been through. I thought of Cathy crying over the phone. She loved me. Bob Marley is singing in my head "Is This Love" I was so proud of myself. I took the final turn so tight my knee almost scraped the ground. My Klein was like a Magenta lightning bolt, the sweat and tears blurred my vision... I hear the Marshall "Slow down cowboy"! I can't slow down...I'm alive! I did it. As I slam on my brakes and jump off my bike to one knee, the crowd cheers...I bow...

Finish line in Santa Monica: 545 miles